Illustrate, don’t state
Coming up with a topic may be the hardest part of the college essay process, followed closely by writing it well. Most students spend their school careers learning academic writing, not creative narrative writing. Suddenly, what you thought made for an excellent DBQ or literary analysis doesn’t apply.
The personal statement should be a story. It needs a clear beginning, middle, and end. It should have an opening that makes the reader want to learn more and a memorable conclusion. Finally, it needs to paint a picture, with details and feelings embedded in examples that illustrate what you believe and who you are.
The latter point is perhaps the most common essay mistake. You’ll see people talk about “show, don’t tell,” which seems counterintuitive in an essay that is supposed to tell readers about you. The expression is perhaps better explained as “illustrate, don’t state.”
What do I mean? If your essay says, “I am devoted to my church,” instead of “My favorite part of the week is church service every Sunday, when I can decompress and reconnect to my faith,” you’re staying too surface. Other examples:
Science is my passion versus I have taken every science class in my school and dream of the research I’ll do one day.
I am a born leader versus I realized early on that my friends and peers looked to me for direction.
I persevered to learn ballet versus Every day, I practiced my pirouettes and toe positions until I was more prepared for the recital than my teacher.
How can you figure out if you are over-stating? Highlight places where you list an attribute or make a statement about yourself. Then figure out an example you can share instead. Ask what made you say it in the first place: What were you thinking about? The why is almost always better to include than the answer. In the example above, if you thought about how you value your time in church every week, include that! Don’t summarize or edit yourself out of examples.
You can also analyze if your essay feels more like a report or a story. You want to lean away from the former and into the latter. If you are used to DBQs and other academic exercises, think of it as including personal proof points — you need evidence.
And in a personal statement, the evidence is more important than your summary.
